Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
