I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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