remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
