I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
