We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
