____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
