whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
