she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
