Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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