there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
