We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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