the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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