Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
