she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
