Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
