So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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