dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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