i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
