Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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