I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
