So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
