the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
