1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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