Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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