you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
