you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
