there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
