Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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