the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
