Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
