roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just gargled with NyQuil
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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