even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Blood and glitter go together right?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
