dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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