hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
