I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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