walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His hands were made for my vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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