Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I believe in your delicious
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
