people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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