The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
