Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
