You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
