she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
