I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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