Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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