this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I lost the right to judge tonight
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