I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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