Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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