First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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