I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
