So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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