Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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