I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
