Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
