Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
