i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
