WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
