Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
