good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
