I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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