So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
