the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
